My Honor is My Own
by 7Knight-Wolf
Summary: After "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader," Peepiceek must lead the Talking Mice in Reepicheep's stead. As he contemplates the life of his former leader, Peepiceek learns of Reepicheep's true legacy.


**"My Honor is My Own"**

Those words all-encompassing of Reepicheep's character rung through the mind of Peepiceek the new Mouse Leader: "My life is ever at your disposal, but my honor is my own."

Peepiceek was sitting in the tall-grass meadow outside the huge town of underground Talking Mouse burrows. King Caspian had returned from his voyage and spoke of marvelous wonders at the End of the World. All the crew of the _Dawn Treader_ had retuned safely—all but the Master Mouse.

It was fitting, of course. Reepicheep was an adventurer and he must have felt it his destiny to sacrifice himself by going over the Edge of the World. Reepicheep was a Narnian Mouse and had to prove his dignity with such a feat. But Reepicheep was also a great leader and loving brother to the Narnian Mice—how could he leave them?

Now it was Peepiceek's turn to lead the Mice. But how could he do it? Peepiceek did not fully understand the thought-patterns of his former leader, and he wasn't sure if he could stand up to the criticism and censure that the world always threw at Mice. "Perhaps," the Mouse Apprentice had thought, "if I were to contemplate upon my leader's life and works, I might inherit some of his dignity and do justice to his heroic legacy."

So Peepiceek had begun to think very deeply. He thought about chivalrous and marshal Reepicheep had been, and how determined and fierce also. "Reepicheep had everything he could ever want," Peepiceek mused. "Eleven devoted brothers and sisters, knighthood at the Second Battle of Beruna, the chance to have a conversation with Aslan himself, and the honor of journeying to the End of the World. I suppose he got all those things because he devoted his soul to Aslan. He gave everything to the cause—even his most glorious and stupendous Mouse Tail!"

But then Peepiceek remembered vividly Reepicheep's simple, yet profound words, "My life is ever at your disposal, but my honor is my own."

Why would such a good-hearted, honest Mouse feel the need to guard himself so closely? Peepiceek wondered. He recalled Reepicheep's honest confession to Aslan about how Mice must guard their dignity so others would not abuse them. The true depth of this confession struck Peepiceek for the first time—the pure, simple vulnerability of it; like a young son admitting his fear of the dark to a loving father. It was heartbreaking, thought Peepiceek, that any Creature should have to stand up to the world and all its censure, hiding behind a mask of stiff chivalry.

But no, no no! Of course Reepicheep's honor was more than a protective charade! It was engraved in his heart to serve Aslan and Narnia and give his all. But maybe, just maybe, the Master Mouse had gone just a little extreme in his honorableness. And that little bit of obsession, that tell-tale way that his hand was always defensively on his sword-hilt, came from the need to protect himself from the world.

"Then what is the balance?" groaned Peepiceek. "No matter what we do there are those who detest Mice. Must I live with the daily pressure of keeping up appearances to the world? And yet I must be willing to give my life for my Country and my Brothers. I can't do this! I don't know how to be honorable! Did Reepicheep sail off the End of the World to escape from pressure? Is that why he did it? Help me!"

Then suddenly Peepiceek feel face-down in the grass and was plunged into a trance. He saw a vision, had a dream, and this is how it went.

There stood the great Lion himself, shining and golden and fearsome and gentle: Aslan. The Lion looked at Peepiceek with caring eyes and said, "I am here, my son. You are struggling, but I am here to instruct and comfort you. You are wise to contemplate on the leading of your people. I shill help you. Ask your questions; I will answer."

Peepiceek was very scared, and very excited. He felt utterly humbled to be the presence of the Lion. The Mouse's voice shook a little as he asked, "Why did Reepicheep leave me? What were his thoughts when he was going to Your Country over the great Waterfall?"

Aslan replied in his profound voice, "It was Reepicheep's destiny to sail over the edge of the Great Waters. He knew it in his heart ever since his conversation with me at the Second Battle of Beruna. The time following that conversation was his ultimate test of honor."

"Please sir," inquired Peepiceek, "shouldn't the World's End have been Reepicheep's ultimate test? It would be frightening and sad to sail of the World's End."

Aslan shook his head softly, but even that soft shake sent a sparkling shower of gold all around. "Reepicheep was not afraid, nor sad. He was prepared for the World's End, and excited. His ultimate test was the acceptance of the words I spoke to him upon the restoration of his tail."

"Could…could you explain it to me, Your Most High Majesty?" asked Peepiceek.

"Yes," said Aslan solemnly. "I told Reepicheep that he thought a little too much about his dignity. He was willing to give everything—except his honor. Up till that point, Reepicheep's dignity was not true honor; it was self-absorbed honor. I showed Reepicheep that in laying aside his defenses and truly exposing himself to me, he could live with the real honor that I placed inside his heart when I created him."

"What, then, is the kind of Honor that you would have me carry?" Peepiceek was excited.

"True Honor is not something you keep for yourself, but something to use for the World. It is the willingness to do and the act of doing what is righteous. And to live the full righteous life you must surrender your all to me; and then I will give you the desires of your heart. Reepicheep was withholding part of his heart from me because he was concerned about being worthy. He wanted to prove his worthiness through his honorable ways. But Reepicheep came to realize that there are none worthy to be saved from destruction. Instead, I gave my life to cleanse Narnia and make it worthy; it could never have been worthy itself. Do you understand?"

"I—I begin to understand, Sire," stammered Peepiceek. "So was Reepicheep's chivalrous behavior and grace and skill only a charade?"

"Perhaps part of it was a charade, but only until his talk with me. After I restored his tail, Reepicheep was a happier Mouse. He did not need the world's approval; only mine, which he has always had. And he lived with real honor, making the right decisions while keeping up the chivalrous behavior that he thoroughly enjoyed. You must have this honor too, making the right decisions even when you are oppressed and misjudged; knowing that although I appreciate your undying chivalry, it was I who cleansed you."

"Most undoubtedly, Sire," said Peepiceek with a reverent bow. "But please Sir, is Reepicheep alright?"

Aslan smiled. "You need not fear for your leader," he said, "for Reepicheep is with me in green pastures and eternal peace. You will see him again when your time here is done. Even when he was reformed, this life was still hard for Reepicheep and will be so for you. You must not be absorbed in outward dignity, but it is important to set boundaries and guard yourself from threats. However, when you come to country, you shall be like Reepicheep, cast away your sword and say 'I shall need this no more.' There will be no shame when you are with me."

Peepiceek bowed ever so low to show his gratitude. "Thank you profusely," he said. "Highest of Kings, if you will continue to help me, I believe I can lead the Mice."

"Lead them well," said Aslan. "Remember, the love that binds you Mice together touches my heart far more than the grace of your bows and the length of your tails. You have the most devoted hearts of all the beasts of Narnia. Put your hope in me and you will not be shamed."

Then the trance faded, and Peepiceek was in the ferny meadow next the Mice Burrows. And he thought to himself, "Aslan gives us all a choice to live an honorable life or not to live an honorable life. I suppose the saying should not be 'My Honor is my own' but instead, 'My honor is my own choice.'"

The End


End file.
